Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
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