we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
