Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
