damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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