I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
