u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
