i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Floor bacon is actually really good
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
