Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
How external is "for external use only"?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
