My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
its liver damage thursday
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
