2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
