Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
