i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
