sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
