Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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