My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
