i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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