I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
