when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
