I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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