I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
