When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
