dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
