You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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