yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
