12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
