you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
