Got a toothbrush?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
