I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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