he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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