Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
