We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
