i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize
