I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
