No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Randomize
