Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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