My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
