Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
