One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I see more hoeing in ur future
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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