New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
