I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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