There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
