he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize
