Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
