Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
