I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
