New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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