i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
