i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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