My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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