hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
