Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
