do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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