Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
