Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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